Falling in love is so compelling. We appreciate the companionship, the touch, the sense of belonging, the chemistry and the euphoria when we first meet someone and we think we’ve found “the One” at last! A cocktail of feel-good hormones is rushing through our bloodstream… but what if one person really isn’t ready to be in a relationship?
I have a client who has done a lot of personal work and she believes she is ready for a relationship. We’ve gone through my Relationship Readiness Quiz and she has given herself a high score. We’ve talked about areas where she might need a little work, but she’s at a place in her life where she is really ready to date.
She met a man recently who is not ready for a relationship. He recognizes that he has some things he needs to attend to before he can be the partner he truly wants to be. They love spending time together. They communicate well. They have fun… but they are both aware of the red flags.
So… what should they do? Should they proceed hoping that the red flags won’t interfere with the co-creation of a healthy relationship? Should they be “just friends” for a while and see how it goes? Should they go their separate ways? What they have decided to do is to take a 6-month break, then re-assess after that period of time. Does it feel risky? Yes. Neither knows what will happen in that 6-month period but he knows he needs to do some work. Might she meet someone else? It’s a definite possibility but they have made this decision because they agree this is the only way to have a strong foundation for a healthy relationship… whether or not it’s with each other.
This seems to me to be the wise path. It’s not the easy path. They enjoy their time together and bring out the best in one another. As a relationship coach I have supported her in taking this step so they can both come from a place of health and stability.
Have you ever made a conscious decision to part from someone because that’s the wisest choice? What has been your experience in trying to have a healthy relationship when one person really isn’t ready? Please leave your comments below!