Well, February is the month of love they say (I prefer to think that every month is the month of love but I guess that doesn’t sell so many flowers, cards and chocolates!)
I was invited by my local TV company to do an interview about lasting love. I didn’t get very long to talk so I decided to record a video and to write a blog about this because I think it’s really important.
I decided to narrow it down to five points although I have a lot to say about this topic! Here are the 5 points:
- make every day romantic whether it’s the time for a prolonged hug at the end of a busy day or taking time at bedtime to exchange an appreciation of one another
- create a vision for your relationship. What is possible? Dream big because you are co-creating what YOU want!
- honor your commitment. I find that many couples don’t bring up the concept of commitment and that it’s just assumed – but this is really important! If you make a strong commitment to one another – and keep it – you are able to express yourself honestly and openly and know that you have created a safe container. This is where true intimacy comes from
- take ownership for your experience and take responsibility for your feelings. Nobody can “make” you feel a certain way. Understand that your issues are your own unmet needs and that you can be triggered by things that wouldn’t faze others. Learn how to communicate so each of you can express yourselves clearly and be a good listener
- make your relationship a priority. We all know it’s true that the more you put into something the more you get out of it! I see a relationship as a garden that needs to be nurtured. It needs to be watered and fertilized so that you both can reap the benefits. Together you can grow and accomplish things that wouldn’t be possible alone.
I hope you have enjoyed my thoughts on what keeps love alive! I love to do couples coaching so if you want a great relationship rather than a “good enough” one, let’s talk!
I thoroughly enjoyed a new series on Netflix called Master of None which focuses on the life and love of Dev, played by Aziz Ansari. His love interest is Rachel. DEV AND RACHEL NEED ME!
Why do Dev and Rachel need a love coach? They, like many dating couples, are building the plane as they are flying it! How might things be different for them – and for you – if you really knew who you are, what you want, if you were able to communicate positive and effectively and if you could manage differences between you and your partner?
What is your vision for love? What do you think is possible in marriage? At one end of the spectrum is unrealistic fantasy of bliss that requires no work… and on the other end is the cynical belief that marriage is an outdated institution that clips one’s wings and that sucks the life out of people.
How can you have a partnership that enhances your life? First you need to know who you are and choose a partner who shares your key values and vision. Get to know him or her over time and determine whether you are both ready to make a commitment. I believe the key here is not to rush. It takes time to get to know someone. As you get to know the other person, you get to know yourself.
I believe that commitment is the key to a successful relationship. In this world of instant gratification and disposable everything, commitment might be a foreign concept to many of us. Think of what you’ve been committed to – whether it’s learning to play an instrument, learning a language or playing video games! Commitment takes dedication and focus. It’s also the key to getting results.
How might things have turned out if Dev and Rachel had me, as a love coach, in their lives? How might things be different for you?
Online dating is one strategy for meeting people and, hopefully, actually getting out and dating! If you’re new to online dating, or just want some pointers, you’ll want to listen to my radio interview with Ron Capocelli on “Get Relationships Right” on Web Talk Radio. Ron is a fellow relationship coach and he and I are becoming good friends and colleagues! You can learn more about Ron and what he does here: http://inspiredcommitment.com/
And to listen to the radio show, here’s the link: http://webtalkradio.net/internet-talk-radio/2013/06/17/getting-relationships-right-tips-for-success-and-safety-in-online-dating/ We discuss many topics such as how to choose a site, some safety tips for the first few dates, choosing a user name and more.
You can download the show (at no cost) and listen to it on your iPod or mp3 player. It’s just over 30 minutes long.