5 Keys to Lasting Love

Well, February is the month of love they say (I prefer to think that every month is the month of love but I guess that doesn’t sell so many flowers, cards and chocolates!)

I was invited by my local TV company to do an interview about lasting love.  I didn’t get very long to talk so I decided to record a video and to write a blog about this because I think it’s really important.

I decided to narrow it down to five points although I have a lot to say about this topic!  Here are the 5 points:

  • make every day romantic whether it’s the time for a prolonged hug at the end of a busy day or taking time at bedtime to exchange an appreciation of one another
  • create a vision for your relationship.  What is possible?  Dream big because you are co-creating what YOU want!
  • honor your commitment.  I find that many couples don’t bring up the concept of commitment and that it’s just assumed – but this is really important!  If you make a strong commitment to one another – and keep it – you are able to express yourself honestly and openly and know that you have created a safe container.  This is where true intimacy comes from
  • take ownership for your experience and take responsibility for your feelings.  Nobody can “make” you feel a certain way.  Understand that your issues are your own unmet needs and that you can be triggered by things that wouldn’t faze others.  Learn how to communicate so each of you can express yourselves clearly and be a good listener
  • make your relationship a priority.  We all know it’s true that the more you put into something the more you get out of it!  I see a relationship as a garden that needs to be nurtured.  It needs to be watered and fertilized so that you both can reap the benefits.  Together you can grow and accomplish things that wouldn’t be possible alone.

I hope you have enjoyed my thoughts on what keeps love alive!  I love to do couples coaching so if you want a great relationship rather than a “good enough” one, let’s talk!

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How to be a Love Magnet

Have you noticed that some people seem naturally magnetic where others are prickly?  What are some of the elements that make some people love magnets?  In a recent speaking engagement I pointed out that most babies are love magnets without having to do anything: they are magnetic just by being themselves.  What happens over time to interfere with our natural birthright of being love magnets?  I think a lot has to do with others telling us we have been bad or wrong – or that we’ve disappointed them.  We start to doubt ourselves and question whether or not we’re lovable.  How can we shed ourselves of those negative messages and return to loving beings?  Here are three ways:

1) Fall madly in love with yourself! Celebrate your triumphs and be compassionate toward yourself when you make mistakes or believe that you have fallen short
2) Be friendly to others and create connections even if it’s just in a supermarket lineup! A friendly smile could be the highlight of someone’s day and it’s going to make you feel good, too!
3) Recognize the value of community. Get out there and participate! Make a difference in the world and shine that light of yours!

How might your life be different if you intentionally gave and received love with an open heart?  Why not give it a try?

With Valentine’s Day coming up very soon why wait for someone else to express love to you?  When you make a conscious choice to be a more loving person you can treat everyone you meet with kindness and compassion.  Many people save themselves and their love for a romantic partner but my belief is that if you don’t use it you lose it so why not practise love every day?

I have a friend who teases me about shining white light at people!  Actually when I walk down the street I smile at strangers.  Sometimes I get a smile back but often the person averts his or her eyes.  I hope someday everyone will feel safe to smile at a stranger.  I know it makes me feel good!

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New Meetup Group!

For any of you who live in the Greater Victoria area, I’ve just started The Victoria Singles Meetup Group! You can go here to check it out and to join: http://www.meetup.com/The-Victoria-Singles-Meetup-Group/ You can sign up for our Valentine’s Single Mingle through the site. Pretty easy!

Even if you don’t live in this area, I really encourage you to get out of the house and away from your computer and meet new people in person. Meetup groups are a great way to make new friends. Just go to www.meetup.com and specify your location and interests… and you’re all set!

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Local Valentine's Day event

If you are lucky enough to live in, or near, Victoria, B.C. Canada. I am co-hosting an event called Valentine’s Single Mingle to be held on February 14th in the evening. You can get more information here: www.munchandmingle.ca. Why stay home alone on Valentine’s Day when you could come out for yummy desserts, dating tips, fun games and an opportunity to meet new friends? Space is limited so sign up soon!

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