I’m sure we all have our share of weird and bizarre dating stories! I just had a very odd experience of thinking I was getting to know a guy mainly through texting (his choice) only to find that there were many red flags and I ended it after only about three weeks. I thought he seemed promising. I was feeling quite optimistic… but I am so clear on my value that I’m simply not willing to settle. How did I weather this without feeling devastated? How can I be so clear that something isn’t working that I can choose to end something that seemed to have great potential?
For those entering the dating world with open hearts, optimism and trust this can be a difficult world. It can take a toll on your self-esteem. How do you date in good faith but with your eyes open?
Today I’m going to offer you one of the most effective strategies I’ve used. I just put this into words when I was debriefing with a friend about the confusion and disappointment I felt recently. I think the secret is to proceed with curiosity and engagement… but not to invest too much too quickly. What I mean by that is to proceed with awareness and actually look for red flags while also being aware of somebody’s good points and how I feel with him. Secondly, I choose to be engaged and to give it my best shot, but to recognize that in the early stages hormones cloud our judgment. Thirdly, I am cautious about the investment I make until I have a better sense that this something that is worth putting time and energy into. There was a time that I would jump with both feet and tell myself that it was “meant to be”. Now, a little older and wiser I hold back and assess. There is no advantage to rushing through dating. It takes time to get to know someone and to check in with yourself about how things are going.
These strategies allow me to have the mindset of being “the chooser” and to be confident that if this man isn’t relationship material, there are plenty more in the sea. Because I’m not desperate I can afford to take my time and wait for someone who truly is my match.