Do you ever feel discouraged as a single? Do you wonder if you’ll ever meet your ideal partner? Does that inner critical voice nag you about all your perceived shortcomings?
How would things be different if you really believed that someone out there is PRAYING for you to come along? Someone who celebrates you for who you are. Someone who really “gets” you and who loves your authentic self. Take a moment and just sit with that thought: that someone out there is praying for YOU. How does it feel?
Can you relax and surrender into it? Can you allow that belief to permeate your consciousness? Think about all you have to offer: maybe it’s your kind and generous nature, or your skill and knowledge in an area you’re passionate about; maybe it’s how conscientious and responsible you are; or how you can see the silver lining in every cloud. You do have a lot to offer!
Do you feel the excitement and anticipation of having your ideal partner in your life? This is what will carry you through the times of doubt and despair. Get to know yourself, celebrate who you are, and live your best life authentically, and get ready to meet the one whose prayers will be answered when you are in their life!
Falling in love is so compelling. We appreciate the companionship, the touch, the sense of belonging, the chemistry and the euphoria when we first meet someone and we think we’ve found “the One” at last! A cocktail of feel-good hormones is rushing through our bloodstream… but what if one person really isn’t ready to be in a relationship?
I have a client who has done a lot of personal work and she believes she is ready for a relationship. We’ve gone through my Relationship Readiness Quiz and she has given herself a high score. We’ve talked about areas where she might need a little work, but she’s at a place in her life where she is really ready to date.
She met a man recently who is not ready for a relationship. He recognizes that he has some things he needs to attend to before he can be the partner he truly wants to be. They love spending time together. They communicate well. They have fun… but they are both aware of the red flags.
So… what should they do? Should they proceed hoping that the red flags won’t interfere with the co-creation of a healthy relationship? Should they be “just friends” for a while and see how it goes? Should they go their separate ways? What they have decided to do is to take a 6-month break, then re-assess after that period of time. Does it feel risky? Yes. Neither knows what will happen in that 6-month period but he knows he needs to do some work. Might she meet someone else? It’s a definite possibility but they have made this decision because they agree this is the only way to have a strong foundation for a healthy relationship… whether or not it’s with each other.
This seems to me to be the wise path. It’s not the easy path. They enjoy their time together and bring out the best in one another. As a relationship coach I have supported her in taking this step so they can both come from a place of health and stability.
Have you ever made a conscious decision to part from someone because that’s the wisest choice? What has been your experience in trying to have a healthy relationship when one person really isn’t ready? Please leave your comments below!
I was speaking to one of the participants in a recent workshop. He told he that he’s not going to get married again (3rd time) because he doesn’t want to be yet another divorce statistic. He thought the answer was not to get married. Well, that’s one strategy… but another far healthier one, in my opinion, is to do the work needed to be able to co-create a lasting relationship!
What are the biggest issues I see with singles? For women, lack of self-esteem is a big one. Another is not really knowing themselves. Many have been married for a decade or more and have focused all their energy on their husband’s or their kids’ needs. Who are they, themselves?
The biggest issue with single men is a lack of confidence in knowing how to ask for a date and how to carry on a conversation. I see some low self-esteem issues but they seem more challenged by the mechanics of dating itself. How can you tell if a woman is interested in you? How can you ask her out without seeming creepy?
The great thing about working with a relationship expert is that you will have these issues, and more, addressed so you actually CAN have a healthy relationship. I have a Relationship Readiness Quiz for singles with ten questions to assess your readiness today for dating. For example, you might be very happy with your career, but do you actually have the time to put into dating? If your career is all-consuming you won’t have the time or the energy to put into meeting people and getting to know them. I think it’s easy to fool ourselves into thinking we are ready to date when we aren’t. If you’d like to take the test, send me an email and I’ll send one to you. I’d be happy to do a follow-up phone call to discuss your results.
In summary, you can bypass being another divorce statistic – not by avoiding marriage but by becoming more conscious in your dating! This is what I can help you with, so please reach out and contact me!
Hi have just read Daphne Rose Kingma’s book called Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours… twice! Every now and then I come across a book that causes a paradigm shift in me and this is one of those amazing books. Kingmas says the reason that we get into romantic relationships is so we can accomplish developmental tasks – both internal and external. Relationships used to be geared toward survival, but in this day and age they are for evolution – so we can get to know who we truly are. She says that relationships end when the developmental tasks of one, or both partners, are accomplished. I found this a fascinating way to look at romantic love and one that made it a lot easier to appreciate ended relationships, and to see the gifts in them.
I’m looking at hosting a group discussion of this book in the near future. I will keep you posted!
Have you read this book? How did it change how you look at the ending of relationships?