Someone Out There is Praying for You to Show Up

Do you ever feel discouraged as a single?  Do you wonder if you’ll ever meet your ideal partner?  Does that inner critical voice nag you about all your perceived shortcomings?

How would things be different if you really believed that someone out there is PRAYING for you to come along?  Someone who celebrates you for who you are.  Someone who really “gets” you and who loves your authentic self.  Take a moment and just sit with that thought: that someone out there is praying for YOU.  How does it feel?

Can you relax and surrender into it?  Can you allow that belief to permeate your consciousness?  Think about all you have to offer: maybe it’s your kind and generous nature, or your skill and knowledge in an area you’re passionate about; maybe it’s how conscientious and responsible you are; or how you can see the silver lining in every cloud.  You do have a lot to offer!

Do you feel the excitement and anticipation of having your ideal partner in your life?  This is what will carry you through the times of doubt and despair.   Get to know yourself, celebrate who you are, and live your best life authentically, and get ready to meet the one whose prayers will be answered when you are in their life!

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Choosing the Wise, not the Easy, Path

Falling in love is so compelling.  We appreciate the companionship, the touch, the sense of belonging, the chemistry and the euphoria when we first meet someone and we think we’ve found “the One” at last!  A cocktail of feel-good hormones is rushing through our bloodstream… but what if one person really isn’t ready to be in a relationship?

I have a client who has done a lot of personal work and she believes she is ready for a relationship.  We’ve gone through my Relationship Readiness Quiz and she has given herself a high score.  We’ve talked about areas where she might need a little work, but she’s at a place in her life where she is really ready to date.

She met a man recently who is not ready for a relationship.  He recognizes that he has some things he needs to attend to before he can be the partner he truly wants to be.  They love spending time together.  They communicate well.  They have fun… but they are both aware of the red flags.

So… what should they do?  Should they proceed hoping that the red flags won’t interfere with the co-creation of a healthy relationship?  Should they be “just friends” for a while and see how it goes?  Should they go their separate ways?  What they have decided to do is to take a 6-month break, then re-assess after that period of time.  Does it feel risky?  Yes.  Neither knows what will happen in that 6-month period but he knows he needs to do some work.  Might she meet someone else?  It’s a definite possibility but they have made this decision because they agree this is the only way to have a strong foundation for a healthy relationship… whether or not it’s with each other.

This seems to me to be the wise path.  It’s not the easy path.  They enjoy their time together and bring out the best in one another.  As a relationship coach I have supported her in taking this step so they can both come from a place of health and stability.

Have you ever made a conscious decision to part from someone because that’s the wisest choice?  What has been your experience in trying to have a healthy relationship when one person really isn’t ready?  Please leave your comments below!

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The Importance of Being Prepared Before Dating

I meet many singles who just want to get out there and date and forget the importance of being prepared before dat.  “How do I meet people for dating?” is their primary question.  What I’d like to see as being the primary question is “What do I need to do to be prepared to date?”

I came up with an analogy recently.  What if you and someone you had just met decided that you wanted to start a garden together.  Each of you had done a little gardening in the past but with mixed results.  You figure there’s nothing to it: just put some seeds in the soil and in time you have a nice garden!

You may discover that your seeds don’t actually thrive.  You needed to prepare the soil first, but you didn’t know that.  You’ve planted sun-loving crops in shady areas.  You didn’t know that.  You just assumed that the other person would take responsibility for watering… but you didn’t discuss it.  Your plants aren’t doing so well.  And it turns out that your partner can’t stand zucchini but you planted lots of it because everyone else does.

This is what I see in a lot of relationships these days.  People dive right in figuring that no preparation is required and if their partner is “the One” then it should all be easy.  Many people want the crops without the work, and it doesn’t work that way (unless you buy your produce at the store and I haven’t figured out how that works with long-term relationships!)

The divorce rates are sobering and the percentages of marriages that end in divorce gets higher with second and third marriages.  People who don’t get prepared by being clear on who they are and what they want, who don’t recognize their patterns, who don’t learn how to communicate effectively and how to resolve conflict… they don’t have much hope for a healthy, lasting, loving relationship, in my opinion.

What can you do to increase your chances of lasting love?  Do the inner work!  Get the help you need!

I offer programs that help you to discover who you are and to get ready for dating… before you ask “How can I meet people for dating?”  I want you to be successful, and I can help you.

Let’s talk!  Here’s how you can contact me:

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Are you looking for love or living love?

As a single person, it’s very easy to get caught in the trap of believing that love is “out there” – and the only way to “get” love is to find the perfect partner. Maybe you’ve have the experience, or know of someone, who tightly guards their love waiting to lavish it on Mr. Right. Living this way is joyless and it’s no wonder they are so focused on finding the one person they believe is worthy of their love. How would life be different if instead of looking for love you actually lived love? What would that look like in your own life? Maybe it’s greeting people on the street with a cheery “good morning”. Maybe it’s volunteering. Maybe it’s spending more time with the elderly. What one step could you take today to share your love with the world? Love is all around, and when you shift your mindset from looking for love to living love, you begin to have a rich life filled with connection. While you may still long for a soulmate, you can live joyfully in the meantime!

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Faith or Fear?

As a single woman over 40, what are the fears that keep playing in your head? Many of my clients have these fears: I’m afraid that I’ll die alone, that there aren’t enough men, that men my age want women 20 years younger, I’m too old to find love, I’m “damaged goods.” It’s really easy to get caught up in these fears especially after disappointments in dating. But you know if you let these fears rule your life that you will suffer and be less likely to attract healthy love. So, how do you get from fear to faith?

I believe that it is about bringing in the Divine and about choosing to trust that all is unfolding as it should. I have been thinking about Divine timing recently and was reminded yesterday morning of what happens when I try to force/hurry things. Have you ever tried to pour tea from a teapot quickly? I wanted to get it done so I could move onto the next thing… and wound up having to clean up the current of tea that ran down the spout onto the counter! It reminded me that we have to work with what is, rather than force things because we are impatient!

One way to invite faith, not fear, into the dating process is to value the journey as well as the destination. What have you learned about yourself through dating? How have you grown? How are you setting healthier boundaries? In Calling in “the One” we talk about savoring the waiting, rather than being so focused on finding our beloved that we are anxious and unhappy because we’re still single. And Eckhart Tolle would question the concept of “waiting” which implies that something in the future is “better” than the present moment .

For me, it’s all about trust and believing that my needs will be met. Then I can let go of the fear and the “what ifs” even when my blessings aren’t exactly what I was asking for!

I’d love to know how you make the transition from fear to faith in your own life. Please leave your comments!

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I'm reminded that taking things personally really does cause me to suffer!

I think most of us know that it’s not a good idea to take things personally! I’ve been taking courses, reading books etc. for well over 20 years now, but today I was reminded how easily I can fall back into making meaning when it’s actually not about me! I was due to connect with a friend this morning who wasn’t available as we had planned. This is not the first time and, frankly, I was a little annoyed and hurt. I was telling myself that he doesn’t care about me. A little while ago, I got an email from him apologizing and saying that his dog had died on the walk before our scheduled call. So I was making up all kinds of stories… and it turned out to be a tragic life event that made him unavailable. This was a great reminder for me to step back, notice the meaning I might make of a disappointment… and realize that things are not always the way they seem! How would your life be different if you didn’t take things personally?

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Give yourself a pat on the back!

Like most people at the end of another year, I am reflecting on the past 12 months. It’s so easy to focus on what we still need to learn, and how we still need to grow, that we forget to celebrate our accomplishments. I invite you to give yourself credit for all the ways you have stretched yourself over the past year, the lessons you have learned, the ways you have made a difference in others’ lives.

I am celebrating that, as well as being a Certified Calling in “the One” coach, I am now officially a Certified RCI Relationship Coach for Singles. I have been through rigorous training to earn this certification. I feel confident offering these wonderful programs to you. I know that they do make a difference and I love to witness the transformation in my clients! I hope that 2012 will be the year that you will join me either for individual coaching or in one of my groups. Let’s make 2012 the year for LOVE!

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