Have you noticed that some people seem naturally magnetic where others are prickly? What are some of the elements that make some people love magnets? In a recent speaking engagement I pointed out that most babies are love magnets without having to do anything: they are magnetic just by being themselves. What happens over time to interfere with our natural birthright of being love magnets? I think a lot has to do with others telling us we have been bad or wrong – or that we’ve disappointed them. We start to doubt ourselves and question whether or not we’re lovable. How can we shed ourselves of those negative messages and return to loving beings? Here are three ways:
1) Fall madly in love with yourself! Celebrate your triumphs and be compassionate toward yourself when you make mistakes or believe that you have fallen short
2) Be friendly to others and create connections even if it’s just in a supermarket lineup! A friendly smile could be the highlight of someone’s day and it’s going to make you feel good, too!
3) Recognize the value of community. Get out there and participate! Make a difference in the world and shine that light of yours!
How might your life be different if you intentionally gave and received love with an open heart? Why not give it a try?
With Valentine’s Day coming up very soon why wait for someone else to express love to you? When you make a conscious choice to be a more loving person you can treat everyone you meet with kindness and compassion. Many people save themselves and their love for a romantic partner but my belief is that if you don’t use it you lose it so why not practise love every day?
I have a friend who teases me about shining white light at people! Actually when I walk down the street I smile at strangers. Sometimes I get a smile back but often the person averts his or her eyes. I hope someday everyone will feel safe to smile at a stranger. I know it makes me feel good!
Yesterday in my blog I talked about having come across a wonderful treasure: Daphne Rose Kingma’s book called True Love: How to Make Your Relationship Sweeter, Deeper and More Passionate.
Today, in Part 2 I will share with you some of the highlights of the second section of the book called “The Practices of Love.”
In the “Love Yourself” chapter she says,
“All too many of us consider love to be the miracle by which, finally, we will become complete human beings. This is the fixer-upper notion of love, the idea that we are not all right as we are, but if we can just get loved by somebody, then that will prove we’re ok.”
The truth is that to love someone else, and to be loved, we have to love ourselves first. She talks about loving yourself enough to be authentic: having the courage to say what you feel and ask for what you want. She suggests ways to cherish your beloved – like criticizing only in private, behaving yourself in public and praising the ordinary. Many times we are so focused on things from our point of view that we forget to be compassionate toward our partner and what he/she may be going through. Another example of loving behavior is to depart and reunite with loving gestures. I have a friend in her late 70’s and her husband is in his mid 80’s. They greet each other with a hug and a kiss and when they part, they do the same. So often it’s the small gestures that mean so much. It’s easy to take our partner for granted but making time for loving actions goes a long way even after decades of marriage!
Tomorrow I will talk about the third section of True Love called “The Transformations of Love.” Stay tuned!
In her book “If I’m So Wonderful Why am I Still Single” Susan Page has involuntary single readers really examine any ambivalence they may have about being in a committed relationship. Most people who long for a relationship can come up with many benefits, but have you actually looked at what you anticipate you might lose if you were in one? There will be challenges – this is inevitable. Really being honest with ourselves and bringing up the pro’s and con’s will allow us to be more conscious about our choices, instead of being sabotaged by self-defeating behaviours.
Join me on Saturday January 26th for part 1 of a 3-part series in which we focus on this essential book for singles! Get more information on my Fireside Chats page.
Are you ambivalent about being in a committed relationship? What would you gain? What might you lose? Which list is longer? Please share your comments!
A client of mine has just decided to stop online dating for a while. She was using that as her only strategy to date and she was finding that she wasn’t living her life. Just this morning, a friend told me that he wasn’t free to meet for coffee because he’d met somebody yesterday and they were going to try being in an exclusive relationship. I don’t know what you think about that, but I think meeting someone and deciding immediately to get into a committed relationship is premature… and to choose not to see friends isn’t going to contribute to the health of this relationship!
I believe that singles need to have full, rich lives so they come from a place of fullness and abundance, not from a place of loneliness and desperation. A viable, healthy relationship requires two healthy individuals.
If you’re dating, are you still spending time on self-care, nurturing friendships, learning and growing, and sharing your gifts with the world? Do you feel balanced? How do you ensure that dating doesn’t interfere with living fully? Please share your thoughts! We’d love to hear from you!
Paul Anka had a hit song years ago called “Lonely Boy”. Here are the words from the first verse: ” I’m just a lonely boy, lonely and blue. I’m all alone with nothin’ to do. I’ve got everything you could think of. But all I want is someone to love.” How appealing is this man going to be to a single woman? He’s lonely, blue, has nothing to do and thinks that having someone to love will fix everything. Seriously, how much love does a man like that have to offer? My thought is that he’s not so interested in giving love as he is in receiving it – so he can feel better about himself and his life.
Recently I heard a woman say that she wanted someone to love. Unfortunately in this culture, having someone to love implies that need to be in a romantic relationship. To me, that’s very sad because there are all kind of opportunities to love people… and the more you love yourself, others, the Divine and random strangers, your capacity to give and receive love expands.
So, this holiday season, please do yourself a favour and instead of lamenting that you don’t have a significant other to love, please practise being a loving person, period. When the time comes that you are in a relationship with a significant other, it will deepen your ability to be more loving without expecting so much in return, and love is never wasted!
Well, I’m back. I’ve had an intense time with a death in my immediate family last month and a big move to Victoria BC. It’s been a great opportunity for me to look at my priorities and to find ways of taking care of myself. I’ve actually used many of my coaching strategies on myself! One thing I did recently was to make a list of the major stressors in my life and then I figured out two or three things I could easily do to deal with them. It got me out of being immobilized into productive actions. I love coaching!
When you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed how do you cope? I’d be interested to hear some of the ways you deal with overwhelm.
If you don’t have any strategies for dealing with overwhelm we need to talk! Seriously, coaching is great for helping you move from where you are now to where you want to be. I’m happy to set up a time for us to talk. Just email or call.
For those of us with an elderly parent/s dealing with the challenges of their deteriorating health and shifting needs can be overwhelming – as we cope with our own issues. I have just moved my mother to a care facility in a city nearby and I am preparing for a move, myself. At times I feel like I’m juggling 6 or 7 plates in the air and trying to prevent them from crashing to the ground! I was talking about this recently with a friend who is experiencing a lot of intensity in his life, too, and I told him one of my strategies for staying sane (!) When I’m feeling overwhelmed and ready for a meltdown I stop and ask myself, “How best can I take care of myself in this moment?” Sometimes it means addressing a task on my “to do” list. Sometimes it means making a cup of tea and taking half an hour to read a book. Other times I need to reach out to a friend for a walk or a hug. I am careful to avoid distractions such as turning to shopping, alcohol or over-eating which take my mind off my overwhelm but do not truly serve me in a healthy way.
How do you deal with overwhelm? What are your favourite ways of taking care of yourself? Please share your stories!