Do you ever feel discouraged as a single? Do you wonder if you’ll ever meet your ideal partner? Does that inner critical voice nag you about all your perceived shortcomings?
How would things be different if you really believed that someone out there is PRAYING for you to come along? Someone who celebrates you for who you are. Someone who really “gets” you and who loves your authentic self. Take a moment and just sit with that thought: that someone out there is praying for YOU. How does it feel?
Can you relax and surrender into it? Can you allow that belief to permeate your consciousness? Think about all you have to offer: maybe it’s your kind and generous nature, or your skill and knowledge in an area you’re passionate about; maybe it’s how conscientious and responsible you are; or how you can see the silver lining in every cloud. You do have a lot to offer!
Do you feel the excitement and anticipation of having your ideal partner in your life? This is what will carry you through the times of doubt and despair. Get to know yourself, celebrate who you are, and live your best life authentically, and get ready to meet the one whose prayers will be answered when you are in their life!
I’m passionate about my vision, my mission, my calling – to help people to date more consciously and to have more loving relationships with others and themselves. I’ve done a lot of work behind the scenes. I’ve been keeping journals since I was 16 years old so I have all the ups and downs of my love life documented (and have made a mutual agreement with a close friend to burn our journals upon our passing!). I’ve taken lots of courses, read lots of books, done lots of blogging, helped close friends… but playing it safe and being invisible really wasn’t serving anybody. It wasn’t getting my message out into the world and it wasn’t stretching me. I was happily in my comfort zone, but quite stuck.
Public speaking is a strategy for getting out there: so that people could get great information and get a sense of who I am and where I come from but, frankly, the thought of standing up in front of a group was terrifying for me. I had lots of “but what if’s???” and I imagined feeling so exposed! Yikes! I felt the fear. I honoured the fear. I started getting curious about the fear. What’s the worst thing that could happen? How old was that part of me that was so scared of getting up in front of people? Is it really true that people would be there to judge me – or were they there to learn?
I joined Toastmasters so I could get some experience in front of a group. I could feel my heart pounding before giving even a short toast (about 1 minute!) but I survived! In preparing for my first public presentation last month I had sleepless nights punctuated by feelings of dread and overwhelm.
Interestingly, after I’d prepared my talk and all the handouts (and some small prizes) I wasn’t nervous! Interestingly, after all the dread I had about how badly it might go… I actually enjoyed it! I’m looking forward to the next one! I focus on how I can connect with my audience and how I can be of service. I took the risk and got in touch with a gift I hadn’t realized that I had!
How does this story apply to you and dating? For many people, dating is very nerve-wracking. Feel the dating fear. Where do you notice it in your body? If you are observing safe dating practices like meeting in public, what’s the worst thing that could happen? If you’ve allotted 20-30 minutes for a coffee date it’s not forever and you can always end things sooner if your date is rude or unpleasant. How old is the part of you that is dreading the date? Maybe feeling like a 5 or 6 year old on the first day of school? You’re an adult now and you have a lot more resources and coping mechanisms than you did back then.
You can stay home and be invisible – but how are you going to share your gifts with a beloved partner if you never get out and meet people? Yes, it can feel risky to put yourself out like that, but you never know what magic can happen when you take that first step!
I meet many singles who just want to get out there and date and forget the importance of being prepared before dat. “How do I meet people for dating?” is their primary question. What I’d like to see as being the primary question is “What do I need to do to be prepared to date?”
I came up with an analogy recently. What if you and someone you had just met decided that you wanted to start a garden together. Each of you had done a little gardening in the past but with mixed results. You figure there’s nothing to it: just put some seeds in the soil and in time you have a nice garden!
You may discover that your seeds don’t actually thrive. You needed to prepare the soil first, but you didn’t know that. You’ve planted sun-loving crops in shady areas. You didn’t know that. You just assumed that the other person would take responsibility for watering… but you didn’t discuss it. Your plants aren’t doing so well. And it turns out that your partner can’t stand zucchini but you planted lots of it because everyone else does.
This is what I see in a lot of relationships these days. People dive right in figuring that no preparation is required and if their partner is “the One” then it should all be easy. Many people want the crops without the work, and it doesn’t work that way (unless you buy your produce at the store and I haven’t figured out how that works with long-term relationships!)
The divorce rates are sobering and the percentages of marriages that end in divorce gets higher with second and third marriages. People who don’t get prepared by being clear on who they are and what they want, who don’t recognize their patterns, who don’t learn how to communicate effectively and how to resolve conflict… they don’t have much hope for a healthy, lasting, loving relationship, in my opinion.
What can you do to increase your chances of lasting love? Do the inner work! Get the help you need!
I offer programs that help you to discover who you are and to get ready for dating… before you ask “How can I meet people for dating?” I want you to be successful, and I can help you.
Let’s talk! Here’s how you can contact me: https://lovecoachlynn.com/contact/
Last week I shared with you one key strategy to navigate this minefield of dating. I suggested being curious and engaged in the early stages, but to be sure that you don’t invest too much. In this way you can minimize disappointment and heartache.
This week I’d like to share another strategy which is about your mindset – and to be aware of some of the self-sabotaging stories we tell ourselves.
Do you hear yourself saying:
- there are no good ones left
- all the good ones are either married or gay
- I can’t afford to be choosy
- time is running out so I’ll take whatever comes along
Can you see how you are coming from a place of scarcity with this thinking? How do you feel in your body when you say these phrases out loud? And what sort of person are you likely to attract?
How would things be different if you truly believed:
- I am beautiful inside and out
- I’m confident that my soulmate is out there and we will meet when we both are ready
- there are lots of potential partners out there
- I’m so clear in my value that I’m unwilling to settle
- I am the chooser!
Again, say these phrases out loud and notice how you feel. Grounded? Powerful?
We may try hard to “make things happen” but what I’ve learned is the most effective strategy is to continue to work on my own growth and evolution, and to do my part, but to understand that Divine timing is a big part of life. That means to have faith and trust that you WILL continue to be given all that you need.
I invite you over the next few weeks to notice what’s going on in your head. Are you coming from a place of negativity, scarcity and non-possibility or are you feeling confident and excited that your soulmate is on his way to you now? You may want to write out some affirmations to lock in this new way of thinking… and also keep in mind that you may need to do some work on yourself to really be ready for the kind of relationship you want.
Katherine Woodward Thomas starts a live online Calling in “the One” course this evening. I’m a Certified Calling in “the One” coach and I know how valuable this program is. I have to admit that I feel a little uncomfortable with the claim “7 weeks to attract the love of your life.” In the marketing it is implied that if you take this course, you will find your true love right away. When I work with people, I like to clarify this a bit. I can’t guarantee that you will find the love of your life in 7 weeks if you mean a beloved partner. What you will gain after 7 weeks of this work is a much deeper insight into yourself. You will learn more about your limiting attitudes and beliefs, you’ll learn some great communication skills and you will be much better prepared for love. Yes, you will attract the love of your life… and the love of your life is YOU!
If you are lucky enough to live in, or near, Victoria, B.C. Canada. I am co-hosting an event called Valentine’s Single Mingle to be held on February 14th in the evening. You can get more information here: www.munchandmingle.ca. Why stay home alone on Valentine’s Day when you could come out for yummy desserts, dating tips, fun games and an opportunity to meet new friends? Space is limited so sign up soon!