I meet many singles who just want to get out there and date and forget the importance of being prepared before dat. “How do I meet people for dating?” is their primary question. What I’d like to see as being the primary question is “What do I need to do to be prepared to date?”
I came up with an analogy recently. What if you and someone you had just met decided that you wanted to start a garden together. Each of you had done a little gardening in the past but with mixed results. You figure there’s nothing to it: just put some seeds in the soil and in time you have a nice garden!
You may discover that your seeds don’t actually thrive. You needed to prepare the soil first, but you didn’t know that. You’ve planted sun-loving crops in shady areas. You didn’t know that. You just assumed that the other person would take responsibility for watering… but you didn’t discuss it. Your plants aren’t doing so well. And it turns out that your partner can’t stand zucchini but you planted lots of it because everyone else does.
This is what I see in a lot of relationships these days. People dive right in figuring that no preparation is required and if their partner is “the One” then it should all be easy. Many people want the crops without the work, and it doesn’t work that way (unless you buy your produce at the store and I haven’t figured out how that works with long-term relationships!)
The divorce rates are sobering and the percentages of marriages that end in divorce gets higher with second and third marriages. People who don’t get prepared by being clear on who they are and what they want, who don’t recognize their patterns, who don’t learn how to communicate effectively and how to resolve conflict… they don’t have much hope for a healthy, lasting, loving relationship, in my opinion.
What can you do to increase your chances of lasting love? Do the inner work! Get the help you need!
I offer programs that help you to discover who you are and to get ready for dating… before you ask “How can I meet people for dating?” I want you to be successful, and I can help you.
Let’s talk! Here’s how you can contact me: https://lovecoachlynn.com/contact/
Last week I shared with you one key strategy to navigate this minefield of dating. I suggested being curious and engaged in the early stages, but to be sure that you don’t invest too much. In this way you can minimize disappointment and heartache.
This week I’d like to share another strategy which is about your mindset – and to be aware of some of the self-sabotaging stories we tell ourselves.
Do you hear yourself saying:
- there are no good ones left
- all the good ones are either married or gay
- I can’t afford to be choosy
- time is running out so I’ll take whatever comes along
Can you see how you are coming from a place of scarcity with this thinking? How do you feel in your body when you say these phrases out loud? And what sort of person are you likely to attract?
How would things be different if you truly believed:
- I am beautiful inside and out
- I’m confident that my soulmate is out there and we will meet when we both are ready
- there are lots of potential partners out there
- I’m so clear in my value that I’m unwilling to settle
- I am the chooser!
Again, say these phrases out loud and notice how you feel. Grounded? Powerful?
We may try hard to “make things happen” but what I’ve learned is the most effective strategy is to continue to work on my own growth and evolution, and to do my part, but to understand that Divine timing is a big part of life. That means to have faith and trust that you WILL continue to be given all that you need.
I invite you over the next few weeks to notice what’s going on in your head. Are you coming from a place of negativity, scarcity and non-possibility or are you feeling confident and excited that your soulmate is on his way to you now? You may want to write out some affirmations to lock in this new way of thinking… and also keep in mind that you may need to do some work on yourself to really be ready for the kind of relationship you want.
A friend sent a link to a recent article in Maclean’s Magazine about women’s sexuality that I found fascinating: http://www2.macleans.ca/2013/06/22/the-two-year-itch/
Research indicates that our commonly held assumptions about women and monogamy might be off the mark! Is a woman’s low libido due to boredom? Libido often wanes in a committed relationship but is rekindled with a new partner.
What are the implications for committed, monogamous, long-term relationships? Tell me what you think!
For any of you who live in the Greater Victoria area, I’ve just started The Victoria Singles Meetup Group! You can go here to check it out and to join: http://www.meetup.com/The-Victoria-Singles-Meetup-Group/ You can sign up for our Valentine’s Single Mingle through the site. Pretty easy!
Even if you don’t live in this area, I really encourage you to get out of the house and away from your computer and meet new people in person. Meetup groups are a great way to make new friends. Just go to www.meetup.com and specify your location and interests… and you’re all set!