Where is your focus?

I have been asking my guy friends about their experience with dating and I’ve come up with some interesting feedback.   One of my friends said that he’s noticed in online dating profiles that the women are so focused on what they DON’T want, that they don’t seem very open to what a guy has to offer.  Women can be very negative about all their bad experiences and how they’ve been “burned”…  and all this baggage is not very appealing to prospective partners!

So how do you get around that?  How can you be clear that you want to break free from old patterns yet avoid negativity?  I think it’s about consciously increasing your awareness.  For example, if you’ve been involved with a practising alcoholic and are unwilling to repeat this, keep your eyes open and slow down as you get to know someone.  Does he drink every day?  Are you comfortable with that?  If you’re out, does he know when to stop?  Keep your list of non-negotiable requirements in mind at all times, and if you see any red flags, move on.  You can certainly benefit from your past experience and be clear about what you want without coming across as negative and bitter.  It’s also very valuable to do your own work because if you are healthy, you are much more likely to attract healthy people into your life.

If you have an online profile, I invite you to read it over and check for negativity.  Are you projecting bitterness and disillusionment?  Keep in mind the spiritual axiom “what you resist persists”!  How might you reword it to focus what you do want, not what you don’t want?  And what is your response to a profile that says “no liars” or “no game players”?  I look forward to your comments!


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